Promises, Promises

I've wondered sometimes why things happen - is there like, some sort of reason why all of these events occur or is there some sort of higher being in charge of making my life suck?
What a douche bag if there really is.
My grandmother is finally returning home Thursday and I can't help but feel aggravated already - I really don't want her back. And it isn't because I don't love her because that's not true. We just can't do anything for her here. It's as if we're just dragging out her death. It's ridiculous.
The rest of my life is pretty much repetitive bullshit. I mean seriously, what else am I supposed to do at the wonderful age of teenagedom (coughcough).
So I sit around, put on weight, and memorize the lyrics of my favorite song. Isn't that supercalifragilisticexpealidocious?
I thought not >.>;
It seems as if the world has just slowed down for October-Novemeber. Perhaps it's because I'm not awaiting anything - perhaps it's just I don't care anymore. I don't have much to wake up to - I don't have anything to actually feel anxious for. I feel numb. I feel like the world has shunned me.
And I don't do a goddamn thing to change it.
I've fallen so thickly into a comfort zone it's not even funny.
I'm just hoping that no one is going to rock my boat without my awareness. I'm pretty sure that I'll drown.